sweating the small stuff.

wassup world.

i feel like that's what she's saying in this picture.

just waiting for her food, chilled out, maxin' and relaxin'.

quite the little life, little girl.

we love love love you.

i feel like we have been going non-stop.

as i'm typing this i feel absolutely exhausted, probably because june didn't take a nap this afternoon. . . she really wanted to but was also so exhausted that she never could quite give it up.

i really stress out when june doesn't take a nap and not because i need time to myself.

i like really stress out.

it's pyscho and i know i shouldn't let it get to me but it is what it is and i continue to stress over it.

i want her to be so rested and happy and it's amazing that she is so incredibly happy 99.99% of the time even on days she manags to get in only one nap.

i hate those days, i feel guilty and responsible for her sleep and well being.
 she on the other hand could care less if she only gets one nap.

my mom and andy both tell me it's' not a big deal.

she'll get naps when she can, she's happy and healthy and 'relax jessica'.

most days our schedule really does allow for her to take three or four naps a day and i really do think that the more she sleeps during the day the better she sleeps at night.

i don't know.

i've got to give it up.

look at this angel girl. . . who cares if she sleeps right?
she's so stinkin' cute and sweet that i honestly do miss her when she is asleep so why am i stressing out!

here's what i've got to decide.

sometimes i feel like we are doing too much.

too much go.

not enough stay.

do you know what i mean?

june loves her naps.

she loves to sleep just like her mommy and daddy.
she does wonderfully at night, puts herself to sleep for naps during the day3 times out of 5 and

 when given the oppurtunity to be on a schedule and get regular naps around the clock she does awesome.

even on days that are 'off-schedule' she does awesome.

i want my life to be very scheduled.

i like routine, i thrive on lists and being organized.

i'm realizng that alot of our life is very unscheduled. . . by choice. . .which is so contradictory to my type a pyscho mama self.

we are traveling, we have places to be and people to see during the day, we have visitors, we have errands, we have just life to live and it's these days that are the most fun of all.
these days where the memories are made and i wouldn't trade them for anything.

i don't want to be a hermit.

i don't want june to be a hermit.

i really do want to be on the go and i just want june to get like six naps a day, just kidding. . .
at least two naps a day.

i'm living the dream at home with my little angel baby,
so i'm sure you want to slap me for even whining about naps.

get a grip jessica.

naps, shwnaps.

i really want to be that mom that's like so laid back,
not a germaphobe and who like doesn't freak out at all at every single head bump
 or dropped paci on the nasty, disgusting floor.

right now i'm that crazy mom that would totally feel ok putting june in a bubble and never letting her out.

 i can just see things getting a whole lot worse as she gets older.

i'm trying to learn how to be a little more 'go with the flow' and a little less sweat the small stuff kind of girl.

because i do sweat the small stuff
and i want to stop.

so here i am.

laid out for all the world to see.
huge confession hour.

i'm a big freak mom that only feeds her child organic baby food
 and like sprints to the sink every single time a paci hits the floor. . .
even in our own home.

proof of my well balanced baby,
laying in her crib,
having the time of her life
 just seconds away from putting herself to sleep
without an ounce of help from me.

why again am i such a freak out?!?

motherhood is the greatest thing on planet earth.

it's also the strangest out of body experience ever.

i know that ultimately none of my stress or worry warts or rinsed off pacis matter one tiny bit.

thankfully, the Lord holds this baby safer in His hands than i ever could so all of my anxiety is a big, fat waste of time and honestly, that really is the sweetest relief for any mama out there.

i pray that every second of her every day is covered with the Lord's mighty hands of protection and love and i rest easier at night knowing that He does cover her.

thank you Lord!

i've learned that being a mommy means you literally ache, like your whole body hurts because you love these little people so much.

it's wonderful, so very wonderful.

naps or no naps.

schedules or no schedules.

my love overflows,

over and over again

whether we are booked solid busy or just hanging out around the house.

both are good,

both are necesary

 and if you're still reading know that this was very theraputic for me so thanks for hanigng in there.

maybe tomorow i'll wake up a a totally relaxed,

chilled out,

non-sweaty mom.

we can only hope!

:)